Time Lost is a Big Step

Everyone knows me. Yet, I vaguely know them. Some, I do remember and most I call my younger brother about. I honestly have a blockage. I truly do. I can’t seem to remember people, places or things in my life. Maybe it’s because we moved many times during my young age and I went to various schools. I know that I’ve suppressed many things and many years of my life. Maybe hypnosis or a shrink will help to reveal what I’ve lost. Maybe I’m not missing anything much but tragedy.

Sitting here on my sofa, at my laptop, with my eyes closed tight. I am trying to think back as far as I can. I want to remember. I want to know why I am who I am. I want to know Patasa. What I know so far about Patasa is that she is a loving, caring, and a giving person. However, she has this thing about her. Something bitchy, if i may say. She can be quite a pistol if you rub her the wrong way. Nonetheless, she is a very beautiful person.

What caused my blockage? I am not an expert in psychology but I do know that a mental blockage is an uncontrollable suppression, or repression of painful or unwanted thoughts/memories. Hell, I had many and plenty painful or unwanted thoughts/memories. Let’s name a few…

  1. Dad beating mom
  2. Getting bullied in grammar school
  3. Getting teased about my lips
  4. Being called “heavy handed man”
  5. Molested as a child
  6. Molested/Raped as a teen
  7. My Mother’s boyfriends/husbands
  8. My family
  9. My children
  10. My behavior towards men
  11. Deaths around me

This is it! This is what’s causing my blockage. To people, Patasa’s bitchiness comes out as Rage, as Angry or Bitter. All that I can say is, going through all of this created Patasa. This is quite a bit to break a bitch down; way down! This is where my perseverance and strength comes from. This is where my zero tolerance comes from. This may be why I don’t have many friends. This may be why I never married. OMG, I want to push over and beyond this, and when I do, watch me be who I was destined to be. For now, I do have a wish for those around me… Treat me with respect and love me for me.

Don’t call for my story, you will have the opportunity to read about it.

Yours Truly,

Patasa

 

 

 

 

 

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